Will You Bear my Children?
by knightlygirl
Summary: Oh poor, poor Miroku, he just never knows when to stop. He picked the wrong woman this time.
1. In Which A Girl Fights Back

A/N- no matter how much I wish, neither Ranma ½ or InuYasha belong to me. *sobs in a corner*

**Bear My Children?**

It started out as a normal day for me, washing the linens and tending to the fields, when I was stopped in the road on the way to bring my offering to the temple of Inari-sama. One minute, I was walking along the road not bothering anybody, when this monk, came up and clasped my hands!

"Will you bear my children, my oh most beautiful woman?" Okay, I'll admit that the monk was cute, in his black and purple robes, and rat-tail (aren't monks supposed to shave their heads?) but still, that I am no whore that would up and bed a random religious man( and I thought that monks were celibate anyway) !

I looked at the four people behind him, (hey, he already has two women following him, why ask for more?) and asked the only normal looking one, in the summer kimono (a kitsune youkai, a inu hanyou and a woman in a skirt short enough to flash people, come on, that's just too weird for me)

"Is this you traveling companion?" I asked, and at their nod, I asked something else.

"Would you mind if I hurt him, even if only a little bit?" I have to admit, I may have been a bit presumptuous, but I took their guffaws as a yes. And I may also have been a bit harsh on the monk but how was I supposed to take him treating me like a prostitute? So I slapped him, he deserved it right? So I punched him in the stomach, he definitely deserved that too, right? And so I yelled at him in the middle of the street, but that's okay right?

"Who do you think you are, propositioning me, while I'm carrying sacred offerings! Who are you to ask me for _favors_ when you don't even know my name? What self-respecting woman would ever, _ever_ accept a favor from the lights of you? You didn't even know whether I was married or not! And I thought monks were supposed to be pure." The expression on the monk's face was hilarious! And from the sound of their laughter, his companions agree.

As I continued my walk to the temple, I heard the dog-eared one say something about how he should have expected it sooner or later.

_**The End!**_

PS This popped into my head as I was going to bed, so I decided that I'd write it out. The one in the Kimono was Sango, by the way, and I still stand by the fact that Japan is entirely to lax in their uniforms. Have you seen the girls' gym shorts? They look like underwear!


	2. In Which That Girl Might Just be a Man

I do not own InuYasha or Bleach

**#2**

It started as a normal day for me, I brushed my hair in the morning, donned one of my prettier kimonos, put on my make up, ate my breakfast of rice and squid, and left my home to go to the market for some umeboshi**(1)**.

It was when I was buying a beautiful looking painted fan that it happened, this _man_ (if he could be called so, with his ugly hair and wrinkled, tasteless, robes) came up and took my hand and said,

"Would you be so kind as to bear my children, my oh so beautiful woman?" I couldn't help it, I growled. At his (and his mostly beautiful companions, whom I just noticed), expression, one of utmost confusion, I began to talk.

"I. AM. A. MAN! You wretchedly unbeautiful _thing_!" His companions, I noticed, thought that his mistake was hilarious, but I ignored them as they might be able to be called pretty.

As I gracefully walked off (read: stalked off) I heard a fellow villager say

"Be careful around him, Yumichika Ayasegawa is quite powerful, he might just hurt you for that insult, he is quite concerned about his looks."

**The End**

A/N, I Played around with this idea for a little while and decided why not, Yumichika is awesome enough that he could have met the Inu crew while he was alive.

(1) Umeboshi is pickled plums.


	3. In Which Women Have Scary Husbands

Yay for FullMetal Alchemist manga which I do not own!

_**#3 a)**_

Miroku had seen the light. Surely this goddess of a woman, this beauty with hair styled into ropes, the sleeveless white shirt that showed a tattoo, her tight fitting trousers, surely she would be willing...

Beside him, Sango sighed. She had seen that look in Miroku's eyes many times before. She wasn't prepared for how he practically teleported his woman of choice's side.

"Madame, would you do do me the honour of bearing my children?" Came the typical line. Oh god was Miroku _sparkling_? Sango braced herself, watching for the mystery woman's reaction. What she saw surprised her, the woman's face flashed through a myriad of emotions, many of which Sango had not understood, but even to her, regret, sadness, and finally anger were plainly visible, and a hand went to the woman's abdomen.

Shippou leaned forward, seeing the anger on the woman;s face and hoping for a repeat of chapter 1, but he nearly fell of his comfortable perch of Kagome's shoulder when an absolutely _giant _ man somehow appeared in front the lady. His Aura plainly read death and as he slowly raised his fist, Miroku noted a wedding ring, a tradition that Kagome had told him of.

As the couple walked away, Sango looked down on him in disgust. A married woman? Really?

**End**

A/N: Submit to the awesomeness that is Sig!


End file.
